Are you concerned that the stress of illness is ruining your marriage? "In Sickness And In Health" We spoke these words as young lovers But how do we really keep this vow How can you revitalize your marriage whether you have a chronic illness, or your spouse was in a car accident, or your child has special needs? If you have a health issue in your family chances are high that your marriage is struggling. When you first became ill, you probably don't realize the danger that health issues bring to marriages. It's understandable that at first you focused your efforts on regaining health and independence. You probably didn't realize that the emotional concerns of your relationship were put on the back burner. When the needs of the marriage are ignored for too long then marriages begin to crumble.
Even if you stay married, there is often a great deal of unresolved conflict and unhappiness. But this doesn't have to happen to you, serious health problems don't have to destroy your marriage. When you or your family member has a health issue, there is a lot of social pressure to put on a "happy face and act strong". The intent of this advice is reduce the fear and worry that your partner is facing by not showing them your apprehension. Although there are times when this can be good advice; most of the time it is counter-productive to creating a health relationship. When illness lasts more than a few weeks, then hiding our feelings of grief, fear, pain, or frustration with a facade of contentment can block healthy communication with our partner. When these feelings go unaddressed for too long then couples who think they have a "happy marriage" are surprised to find their relationship is deteriorating.
Would you like to know how to make your marriage stronger even when someone in the family is sick or disabled? Would you like to learn how your relationship can bloom instead of wither? If you and your partner are courageous enoughto talk heart-to-heart about what you really think and feel, then hard times can bring you closer as a couple. Then you can work as a team to take care of the family member who is ill, and to find new roles that honor the challenges that healthy family members are facing. We know your saying to yourself: "With all the problems that this illness brings to our family, you want me to find the time and the strength to communicate with my partner? You have got to be kidding"? We understand that there are times when your health concerns must come first, but its essential to find times when communication with your partner has center stage.
Eventually, in order for your relationship to grow stronger you have to find sometime to communicate heart-to-heart with your partner. The sooner the better, because the longer problems fester the harder they are to resolve. When our oldest son was born we were told he was a healthy baby, but within nine months we discovered that he was not developing like other kids. Walking was late but it finally came, talking never arrived. During our son's first year, we had a hard time communicating. Every time we opened our mouths angry words came shooting across the room at each other. Other times one of us would walk out of the room or out of the house and dissappear for hours.
We both wondered where our "happy marriage" had gone. We still knew we loved each other but we just couldn't figure out how to talk to each other. Then we began to realize we were losing our marriage and we had to do something. We began with calling a truce and trying to show each other we still cared. Then we began to have heart to heart talks. At first it wasn't easy, we both had so many feelings of pain, guilt, grief, fear and anger. But slowly we learned how to listen to one another without getting defensive.
We learned how to cry together and even how to laugh at ourselves. We started to enjoy life as a couple again. It was fascinating to understand how we were responding differently to the same stressful situations and how we needed different things. I felt isolated and I needed time with other people to feel connected to the world. My husband felt overwhelmed and he needed time alone in solitude to reduce his stress. We started to find new ways to deal with raising a son with special needs. we began to find ways to take care of him that honored both of our needs as marriage partners, parents and individuals.
Eventually, we found a win-win solution and intimacy returned. . . . but even sweeter for all we had been through together. Our oldest son is now in his teens, and we have faced other health challenges both with him, with our other son and with our own health. Some of the health challenges we have faced as a couple include major back fusion surgery, epilepsy, diabetes, multiple scolersis, limis designed to provide you with the support you need to succeed at communicating with your partner.
So we know what you are going through. We have been there ourselves. In Sickness and In Health Couple's Program When we are ill, sometimes our bodies heal and sometimes they don't. But either way we can have enourmous healing in our hearts and souls through the closeness and tenderness that happens when we share with another person. When a man and a woman learn how to communicate and how to support each other through the grieving process, then couples can return to love and intimacy. Then the marriage grows stronger, and each moment left in life grows more precious. we have been teaching couples classes for over two decades.
We are Trevor and Sharon Hart, M.A. and we have taught couple's classes since 1984. We are pleased to announce that we have created a program just for couple's facing health issues in the family called THE IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH COUPLES PROGRAM. This program is designed to help you succeed as a couple even when you are facing health issues of a spouse or child. After extensively searching the internet, we realized that we are a ONE OF A KIND program, and there is nothing like this program for couples facing health issues nationally or internationally. We are unique and pleased to serve this wonderful group of people---including YOU. We decided to offer you this special program so we can share with your the techniques and wisdom we have learned on our own journey, as well as some of the wonderful suggestions we have learned from other couple's facing health issues. We welcome you to benefit from what we have learned as we have fine-tuned and perfected our skills for dealing with challenging times.
Learn more about How Your Marriage Can Grow Stronger Even In Times Of Illness How would you like to have a fun and playful way to improve your communications with your spouse? How would you like to laugh together in the face of diversity with other couple's who know what it's like? The Advanced Communication Toolkit TM is a wonderful way for couples to enjoy improving their communication skills. It's like a board game that makes communication practice fun while teaching you great strategies for finding mutually satisfying solutions. It provided the tools you need to start growing closer as a couple despite the health challenges you face. Take the Next Step: Is This For You?